Saturday, April 20, 2013

How to succeed is back!

Jupiterians great and bad news!

The show I'm directing, How to Succeed in High School Without Really Trying by Jonathon Rand is back on! Originally the director cancelled it but I found an advisor and now we're doing it again. Just thought I'd spread the news. I got the weekend off of work but I have rehearsals after rehearsals every day this week... so yeah. I'm going to go, just thought I'd inform you all of my good/bad news. Buenos nachos!

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Just Pull me out of Now and into later

I'm just about ready to fucking die.
Sorry for the rude hello. Hello friends, neighbors, people of Jupiter. I'm just about ready to die.

This week has given me absolutely nothing but bullshit. Drama at school, drama at work, drama at home. Drama is fucking EVERYWHERE.I don't apologize for my foul language, but rather warn you that what you are about to read will most likely involve swearing in every sentence.

It all kinda started Monday. I got to start working with the cast and crew of the Musical Comedy Murders of 1940. I know the director and assistant director, two of the actors, and one of the crew members. It wasn't too horrible. But I heard stuff from the assistant director who I happen to be friends with about some of the cast, and they were very true. So Tuesday at school I was pissed off. And then, the official director of the show I'm ADing for completely cancelled the show without thought because apparently his wife is getting a knee replaced. WHAT THE FUCK??? I'm a director for a reason... I could have totally taken the show under my wing like I already did but no- he has to just go and cancel it. I did all of the blocking, all of the tech stuff, and 98% of the casting. He did absolutely nothing. But whatever. So I'm even more mad about that. And most of the cast still wants to do the show and they're all like "I'll be the director if you don't want to do it" and shit but I'm not letting somebody fuck up my show no matter whether or not I want to direct. So yeah. And now at work (Rhode) everyone is yelling cues at me and changing them every time they yell them at me. I'm being told 6 different things about one cue and they're all different and I'm so confused. Tonight I was going to pull the AD over and ask him to help me but nope! He's at the bar next door drinking with the rest of the cast. And this brings me to my next point. Drinking has affected my family a lot. I hate drinking and alcohol and I promise, god as my witness (even though I'm not religious) that I will never take a sip of alcohol, no matter what it is or what the circumstance. And during my MCM rehearsals this girl in seventh grade starts running around everywhere and going onstage to watch what's going on onstage WHILE The Kenosha News is taking photos. She just pisses me off. She's always playing with the props and shit and I'm just like NO! And then after the rehearsal she comes all up in my cave and she's like "There are a lot of spots where you're supposed to open the door and I'm seeing that you're not. There's even a little crack in the door so you can see when the pen moves." REALLY? I'm reading a script and supposed to be looking through a crack, eh? She's not even crew or cast. Her frickin dad has nowhere else to put her so he basically leaves me and my friend Bailey to babysit her. And apparently this girl is my age. WOW. Just wow. I am so surprised I didn't just snap on her. So now I'm in probably the worst mood one could be in. I just want to talk to someone. Just sit down and spill it. Someone who won't judge me, who won't make fun of me when I cry. Someone that doesn't seem to exist in my life. And on top of being sad and angry, now I'm lonely. In this big world of 7000000+ people I have absolutely no one I can confide in completely. All I ask for is someone who can keep what I say to themselves and a little respect. Is that really so hard?

  This has left me tearing up, so I'm going to go. Shoot me (a comment) if you actually read this. I kinda think his has turned into my venting journal or something instead of DIYs and stuff. Have a good one folks. Make it double good for me.

Monday, April 15, 2013


Hi friends

Tonight was my first rehearsal with the cast and crew of the Musical Comedy Murders of 1940. I had so much fun! I'm the bookshelf operator and I also help manage props. We were around the intermission time (either right before or right after) when this one scene where a guy with a knife runs across the stage... The guy in our production (who I have come to know for quite some time now) threw the knife offstage and it ever so faintly scratched the side of my face next to my eye. Don't get me wrong, I love (no, not love like THAT love, but as a friend) the guy, but he scared the crap out of me. I wasn't expecting anything, and all of a sudden I see him throw it and I guess I moved at the right time. If I didn't, I would have lost an eye. But all is well. Krista and Eric (guy that threw knife) freaked out because they thought I got hit right in my eye. He put his hands on my shoulders and started staring into my eye... :P If anything this is quite the story to tell tomorrow. I'm still a little shaken up but I get to see my friend Robbie tomorrow so I'll just go with whatever happens.

Monday, April 8, 2013

Hi Jupiterians.

How's your world going today? Either I'm glad to hear what your thinking/saying, or I'm terribly sorry about your distress. You choose. My world kinda sucks right now, thanks for asking. My dad's parents are coming to "visit" soon...
This is the definition of hell. There are many definitions of hell in my own little world. This is numero uno. I don't know how much you know (or that I've told you) about them. They only talk to me and the people I live with when they want something. They don't care about me, nor my mom or dad or my little sister it seems. Quite honestly, I don't give a rat's ass either. And things got much more tense over the summer.

It all really kinda started when I was like fricking 4 years old. I was invited to my neighbor's birthday party and I had to drag my cousin Kayla with me. She's like a month younger than me (because her mom's a bitch like that... I'll explain later). The little neighbor boy gave out short pvc pipes with string and a cork attached to it. You blow into the open end of the pipe and the cork flies out with quite some force, enough to give someone a good bruise. Kayla shot the cork right into my eye. Then she ran off and bitched to her mother and claimed that I did that to her. You know what her mom did? She took me and Kayla into MY parent's room and whooped (spanked, hit, whatever you choose to call it) my butt and left quite a nice handprint. You know what else? She told Kayla to sit on that bed and watch. Ever since I was hesitant to be around anyone on that side of the family. No longer am I hesitant, rather I must restrain myself from beating the shit out of all of them. And I mean it. I thought my parents knew and that they were cool with it. Turns out, they didn't know. I went 9 years thinking that they were okay with what Gina did (aunt, Kayla's mom). I brought it up when I was on "vacation" last summer. Mind you, vacation in my household is getting to be away from everyone else. Therefore, I have never been on vacation. I digress. But I brought it up and instantly my parents thought I was lying. Which I was not. After some time they believed me. And now we're here.

Here really sucks. Going back to my grandparents (who I prefer to call Jack and Gwenn because they're not family. I don't love them). They only come to us when they want something. I feel like my neighbors are doing the exact same thing. She only calls when something goes wrong and she can't afford to fix it. "Oh Scott (my father) my hot water isn't working. Can you come take a look at it?" So he'll send an entire day over there fixing their hot water thingy and doesn't even get paid. A simple "Hey how's it going?" or "What was up with that ambulance last night?" would make me the happiest gal in the world.

It's quarter after 12 (MIDNIGHT!) and I have a long, dramatic day ahead of me. I'll talk to you fine folks later. Toodles Noodles!

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

It's April 2nd...

Hi friends!

It's April 2nd, which is no special day in my world. Just April 2nd. But hi :)
Life has been kinda rough these past few months. One of my uncles got into some deep trouble after drinking, driving, which led to him flipping and totaling his truck and being found unconscious. I don't feel sorry for him. He's obviously never going to learn his lesson. A cousin of mine (in which I do not affiliate) has been writing fraudulent checks... so I'm just waiting to see what comes of that.

Nothing much has changed. I haven't done much cooking lately... I think I need some of that. The weather in Kenosha is FINALLY starting to warm up. I love winter more than anything, but I'm ready for a warm stretch. I have all of these big plans of jogging and walking and getting in shape, which would do me a lot of good, but I think I've faced the fact that I'm always going to be big. Much bigger than the majority of people my age, but I think I handle it pretty well, and aside from my weight I'm as healthy as a horse, so I can deal with it. Moving on.
I don't know. I think I'm still at that stage in life where you think "oh I'm going to be single forever and ever and ever."  Which may be true. I wouldn't necessarily mind that. I've come to the realization that if I were ever to be "with" somebody (which may or may not mean marriage), they would have to be in theatre or do some sort of intense fine art to understand my schedule. It's thoughts like this that keep me occupied throughout the day. Here's a list of things that keep me from dating people.
Lack of:
1) Attractiveness
2) Confidence
3) Trust
4) "coolness"
5) Happiness

I'm not pretty. It's just a fact. I don't mind too much. I'm starting to learn not to give a fuck what people think of my face or my body. Would I like to change it? Sure, but I don't have the time, money, or need to. Therefore it's staying as is. Confidence is an iffy topic. I've got guts. Lots of them. I'm a leader, a captain, a director. I can take charge. I can speak publicly with no problem whatsoever. But when it comes to relationships... I'm a mess. Haha :P It's true! People trust me. If someone has a problem, they come to me because they know they can trust me. I like being the trustworthy one. But I have a real hard time trusting people. I trust people too much. Or maybe some people are just too easy to talk to. I'm just afraid I'm going to be hurt. I've been stabbed in the back, screwed over, and used too many times to count. I'd do anything for anybody. I'd give you the shirt on my back if you needed it. But I've come to find that most people wouldn't do the same. I'm not the coolest kid in school. I don't want to be the cool one. I want to be the successful one. And when it comes to happiness, I can be the happiest person you see. But it's not all giggles and smiles and jokes. I can pull the mask down for the day, but at the end of the day, when the mask comes off, reality is back and it's so hard not to break down. When one parent is screaming and the other one sobbing, you know who has to keep the straight face in my household? Me. Do you know how hard it is to keep that face on? Taking everything that happens around me (and trust me, it's a lot) into consideration, it's REALLY hard. But that's not to say that I don't have good days, because I have had a lot of good days. Those good days are days that my family isn't around and that I can be by myself. That says a lot. I'm not trying to gain attention or sympathy, I just wish that someone out there could understand. That's all I ask. Oh, and I also ask that this generation pull their heads out of their asses as a whole and make a brighter day. Now I'm done for tonight... it's 12:45 (so now it's April 3rd :P ) and I haven't slept in a REALLY long time (like 3 days). I'd like a little sleep, thanks. Good night Jupiterians. I love you!